Rebellion (Lies)

The gravity of the situation did not even affect me. I have detached myself from the whole event.... I am not emotional. I do not feel anything. I have come across a stumbling block. There is no way forward for me. My future is a blank canvas, full of uncertainties. I am not sure how far the tunnel goes and where it ends.

All these years, I have kept my feelings under wraps. I have always bottled them up. I am afraid of my own fears...my shame and my regrets.

I realise now that turning the other cheek will not solve problems. It robs you of the chance to redeem yourself; to learn and grow from your mistakes. As a result, you find yourself repeating the same ones over and over again.

How will I learn?

A man is entitled to his privacy, but sometimes, he is afraid to be himself even when he is in private. Sometimes he has to wear a mask, and all the time he is afraid to spread his wings and fly free.

I was not given the opportunity to spend the formative years of my adolescence in a society which is liberal and open to differences. Traditions are important and the rules and customs must be observed. One is not permitted to question too much – in fact, the idea of education in our society is to follow everything that has been said and done...to emulate previous examples. Individuality is not encouraged. In our society, one is not allowed to just be himself. 

Sometimes I feel like I am alone. I appreciate my friends and I think they are all good people. I am close to some of them and I would do anything to keep our friendship.

Nevertheless, I do not feel like I truly belong and that pains me. Could it be that I am too different? Could it be that I have not truly trusted myself and the people around me enough to just be myself? Is it wrong to make people like you? Is it wrong to keep trying to make others see yourself as one of them?

I realise I have got to stop thinking about what other people think of me. I have got to stop trying to be better. I have to start learning. I have to start getting to know myself.

Who says you have to limit yourself? Think outside the box. Think like yourself. The way I see it, write your own history. Record your own journals. You have a story to tell, and the words are all yours. Paint your own picture. Do not let others take away your brush.

Of course, I am going to have to follow my own advice...and I know that's fucking hard to do.