Notes on Early Marriage

I don’t support early marriage. Nowadays, we see a lot of young couples eager to get married early. I don’t suppose these young people have really considered ALL possibilities when they decide to tie the knot. I’m afraid most of these youngsters always base their reason for getting married on mutual love, and therefore mutual confidence that their lives would turn out for the better. Well, I’ve got news for you. Do you seriously think that you have truly lived your life, seen the world and come to the conclusion that you have matured as an individual, ready to take on an adult responsibility and decided that there is nothing else you could do other than getting married? I thought there was more to life than that.

In some parts of the world, women who are married early are seen as oppressed and denied of their freedom. We must also underline that there is also a thing called ‘child marriage’, which is utterly more grievous than early marriage. However, that is not the point of this writing. I believe child marriage simply has no place in our society, and I regard it with utmost contempt, while early marriage runs a close second.

Young men and women should be allowed to choose for themselves. In countries which promote early marriage, and even child marriage, they (especially the women) are not afforded this freedom. Whilst in other countries which pride themselves as progressive Islamic nations, such as ours, the youths marry for a different reason. They believe that ‘it is the best’, as taught by their elders since their childhood that marrying early is one of the Prophet’s sunnahs, acclaimed by scholars and even promoted by the religion itself. While I don’t pretend to be an expert on the matter, I do believe that the reason people get married early at that time—including Aisha to the Prophet—is that the culture at that time allowed it. Back then, life was relatively simple. In fact, women who married early at that time had a greater chance of securing their livelihood, enhancing their education (even more if they married a scholar, a person like Prophet Muhammad saw) and integrating into the society.

Nowadays, it is impractical, implausible even in my opinion, for socially liberated women to hand themselves over to a new family, in honour of some old tradition and in favour of society’s incongruable demand. What happens to the power of women? Haven’t we come a long way already in that respect? (But alas, we are talking about Malaysia—a country with a patriarchal society, even the thought of a woman Prime Minister is inconceivable).

We should educate our children to focus more on getting more out of life than bowing down to the simple and mere pleasure of being somebody’s husband or wife. We should encourage our children to focus more on studies, and working hard to secure a stable livelihood for the benefit of themselves and their children. We should tell them to view life not in simple terms, but rather instill in them the spirit to explore the world and approach its many wonders.

I am a little affected by a news story I read about a young couple, the groom’s a 16-year-old boy and the bride’s fourteen, who had performed their nikka and their story was covered by a local newspaper. What is even more upsetting was the society’s reaction to this. Most of the people praised this young couple and shared their story on the Internet (as a ‘lesson’ for others I suppose, dirikan masjid awal-awal).

This young couple, albeit consenting to the arrangement, were in no position to decide on such matters. In fact, I’m fairly sure that in some countries they are still legally viewed as children. The parents should be more involved in this. Aren’t they concerned about their children’s future? Aren’t they afraid that they are going to be burdened with the task of a married life, and abandon their education?

Some people may say that these youths are good people, that they will find a way, and they will learn to cope with school and their married life both at the same time. But let’s be honest here. If a 14-year-old boy or girl asked you to let them move into another city, for the sake of an adventure, would you allow them to go? Would you (the parents) let a 16-year-old boy to give his opinion on the matters of the household? Would you trust him to make an adult decision?

These are the questions the parents have to consider before letting their children to be married at a young age. The questions of adult decisions, and adult responsibilities. It’s true that it is your own choice either you want to get married early or not but parents, as adults, have to play their role here. We have to instill awareness in our children that education is the key towards realizing our goals, sharpening our conscience, and most importantly, learning to discover our true self.

Marriage is defined by the readiness to embrace an adult life, which certainly does not belong in the hands of teenagers, much less children.

Notes:

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, ratified by the UK government in 1991, states that a child “means every human being below the age of eighteen years unless, under the law applicable to the child, majority is attained earlier.”

England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland each have their own guidance setting out the duties and responsibilities of organisations to keep children safe, but they agree that a child is anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday .

NSPCC Factsheet:

When deciding whether a child is mature enough to make decisions, people often talk about whether a child is 'Gillick competent' or whether they meet the 'Fraser guidelines'. This factsheet briefly explains the meaning of these terms.

Scarman’s comments in his judgement of the Gillick case in the House of Lords (1985) are often referred to as the test of "Gillick competency":

"...it is not enough that she should understand the nature of the advice which is being given: she must also have a sufficient maturity to understand what is involved."

He also commented more generally on parents’ versus children’s rights:

 "Parental right yields to the child’s right to make his own decisions when he reaches a sufficient understanding and intelligence to be capable of making up his own mind on the matter requiring decision."

Since the Gillick case, legal, health and social work professionals continue to debate the issues of a child’s rights to consent or refuse treatment, and how to balance children’s rights with the duty of child protection professionals to act in the best interests of the child. Further court rulings, new legislation and revised guidance continue to amend the legal position.

Links:

Legal Definition of a Child: http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/research/questions/definition_of_a_child_wda59396.html

UNFPA Child Marriage Fact Sheet

“Most countries have declared 18 as the minimum legal age of marriage. Despite the sanctions on child marriage, however, more than 100 million girls are expected to marry in the next decade.

While the practice has decreased globally over the last 30 years, it remains common in rural areas and among the poorest of the poor. Impoverished parents often believe that child marriage will protect their daughters. In fact, however, it results in lost development opportunities, limited life options and poor health.

Child marriage is a health issue as well as a human rights violation. Because it takes place almost exclusively within the context of poverty and gender inequality, it also has social, cultural and economic dimensions.

Married adolescents have been neglected from the global adolescent reproductive health agenda because of the incorrect assumption that their married status ensures them a safe passage to adulthood.”

Further reading: http://www.unfpa.org/swp/2005/presskit/factsheets/facts_child_marriage.htm

Child Marriage Persists in Progressive Malaysia

Source: TrustLaw/Thin Lei Win

Link: http://www.trust.org/trustlaw/news/child-marriage-persists-in-progressive-malaysia/

“It’s very clearly a poverty factor above everything else,” said Zalifah Azman, part of the team writing a shadow report on Malaysia’s compliance with the Convention of the Rights of the Child.

However, in certain places, “the cycle (of child marriage) seems to perpetuate also because it’s usually validated by the use of Islamic doctrine for some reasons,” she told TrustLaw.

…

In addition to the possibility of becoming a young divorcee, teenage mothers also suffer health-wise because the biological make-up of a girl especially below 16 is not equipped to conceive, experts say, resulting in a high-risk pregnancy with an increased risk of maternal and infant death.

“As (the babies) grow up there are greater risks of educational failure, juvenile crime and they will become teenage parents themselves so the cycle continues,” said Azman.

…

“Most of the time, the male partner who commits to such a marriage would have paedophilic tendencies,” Azman said. This means the child bride will not be the first or the last and will leave her severely traumatised, she said.

Activists also say construing consent from the child brides based on maturity—in Islam this means whether or not a girl has reached puberty—is no basis to say she is ready for a married life.

…

And this—the long-held belief that it is permitted under Islam—is perhaps the most difficult to combat when it comes to ending child marriages in a patriarchal society where the majority of politicians and lawmakers are men. Proponents of child marriage usually invoke the historical precedence involving the Prophet who married six-year-old Aishah. Activists counter that new studies show Aishah was more likely to be 19. SIS’s Osman also told TrustLaw recent studies such as the report by Cairo’s Al-Azhar University and U.N.’s children agency UNICEF on Islam and children clearly says that child marriage is not allowed in Islam.

However, because the belief “is clearly embedded in the historicity of Islamic narrative, it would be very hard to change the mindset of the majority Malay Muslims in Malaysia,” said Azman.

Yet it must change, she said.

"Some things are just wrong and child marriage is just wrong.”